


Not Old, Just Older

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Pre-White House (West Wing)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-05-05
Updated: 2001-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-15 19:18:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14796401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: CJ's high school reunion is rolling around and she is facing anticipation about looking back into the past.





	1. Not Old, Just Older

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

 

RATING: PG-13 (stressful themes, one really bad word)   
DISCLAIMER: I don't own "The West Wing" or anything related to the production   
of it. I also don't own the song "Just Older" by Bon Jovi. I'm not making any   
profit off of this story. If anyone decided to sue me over this, they'd be   
wasting their time. I'm just trying to stretch my writing muscles.   
NOTES: I never intended for this story to get this long. I was just listening   
to the song ("Just Older" by Bon Jovi, great song!) and I was thinking about   
what would happen if someone in the West wing had to go to a reunion (I know   
it's been done before, with Leo I think) and if there was someone that was   
going to be there that they might be nervous about seeing. This story is my   
attempt to write that idea.   
Thanks as always to my beta AJ who does her best to catch my stupid mistakes.   
I don't know what I'd do without ya, sistah.   
SPOILERS: Nothing really. Just general stuff up until the present time.   
SUMMARY: CJ's high school reunion is rolling around and she is facing   
anticipation about looking back into the past. 

It had been another long day and CJ was happy to just collapse into   
her desk chair. The sun was still drifting into her office through the blinds   
and the warmth made her smile. She tossed her notes and agenda to the side   
and leaned forward to sort through her mail. She frowned when she saw a   
letter from her old high school and another letter practically stuck to the   
back of it. She opened the letter from her high school and winced. Twentieth   
High School Reunion. She hated how they felt fit to remind her of how old she   
was. It made her like an old fart, actually having lived twenty years of life   
after high school. She put it on the desk and opened the next letter. It was   
a plain white envelope with her name printed across the middle in a   
typewriter style. She pulled out the letter, a simple white piece of paper   
and unfolded it. It read:   
'CJ - It's been twenty years. A promise is a promise. ~ J.'   
CJ smiled weakly, knowing who had sent the letter. Suddenly going to   
the reunion seemed ambiguous. She hadn't really thought about it when she saw   
the words on the first letter. But with this one, with these ten words and an   
initial, she felt nervous. Leaning back in her desk chair, CJ stared at the   
letter and thought back to those strange days. 

Hey, man, it's been a while   
Do you remember me?   
When I hit the streets I was 17   
A little wild, a little green   
I've been up and down and in between 

  


November 12, 1979 

"For God's sake, Claudia Jean, if you don't come out here right this   
second--" Janie called from the living room. She took a short drag from her   
cigarette and then looked up at the hallway. CJ Cregg moved slowly into the   
room, a long silver blue dress swinging around her ankles. Janie smiled and   
nodded. "You look great. What did I tell you?"   
"I look like some tall impish freak." CJ muttered.   
"CJ, you'll always look like some tall impish freak. Just get used to   
it and accept it as part of your beauty. Twirl." Janie retorted, making a   
twirling motion with her index finger. CJ rolled her eyes and then twirled   
accordingly. Janie smirked and clapped enthusiastically, the cigarette stuck   
haphazardly between her lips. CJ curtesied sarcastically and then pointed at   
the cigarette.   
"Put that out." She ordered.   
"Yes, ma'am." Janie replied, stabbing the cigarette into her cup of   
lemonade.   
"You're disgusting." CJ grimaced.   
"Then why am I here?" Janie retorted. CJ shrugged and then sat down   
next to her best friend. "What's going on in that head of yours, Jeanie?"   
"I'm going to the homecoming dance soon. I'm going to the homecoming   
dance with Mark Cooper. Is this the pinnacle of my life?" CJ asked in a small   
voice. Janie laughed sardonically.   
"I sure hope not." She said before leaning back against the couch.   
"You'll see. In twenty years, we're gonna meet up at some stupid high school   
reunion, and you're gonna have made something of yourself, Jeanie. You'll   
know then what the pinnacle of your life is, and it won't be this."   
"I'm not going to any reunion. I'll be dead in twenty years without a   
doubt." CJ retorted. Janie shook her head and stared at the ceiling.   
"No. You'll be thirty-eight. I'll be thirty-seven. You'll be some   
famous person, probably a public figure of some sort. I'll be a beatnik.   
It'll be perfect." She said with a chuckle before looking at CJ. "You'll be   
there."   
"No, I won't." CJ said adamantly. Janie held out her hand.   
"I promise I'll be there if you're there. So promise me you'll be   
there." She said. CJ paused. "Assuming you're not dead, of course." Janie   
added. CJ laughed and then shook the hand.   
"Just wait and see. I mean, thirty-eight! That's ancient!" 

  


After all these years   
Can you believe I'm still chasing that dream   
But I ain't looking over my shoulder 

  


Present Time 

CJ stared at the invitation and thought hard. She was nervous. She   
wanted to see Janie again, and yet she didn't. Janie had always been   
something of a rogue character. She stood out in a crowd merely because of   
her unruliness. She never really respected anyone's authority, and chose   
instead to follow her own philosophies. She claimed to have figured out the   
secret to life by the age of fifteen, and at the age of seventeen, she had   
convinced CJ that she really had done so. Janie MacAvoy had a silent but   
strong intelligence about her, a way of communicating her dark ideas so that   
anyone could believe them. At the same time, she was a morbid person, and CJ   
remembered her as someone that she might have been better off without.   
Besides, the very thought of going to the reunion made her feel old.   
"CJ?" Toby's voice exclaimed. CJ looked up to see her friend and   
colleague leaning in the doorway. The way the light reflected off him, the   
way he carried himself, she mused that he too was a dark person she   
considered a friend. Was it a trend that she picked Janie as a friend then   
Toby? No. Toby had a higher sense of compassion than Janie did, and that was   
why CJ found him to be a friend. She must have had a questionable look on her   
face, for he frowned and stepped into her office. "Are you okay?"   
"I was just thinking." She admitted softly. She then smiled, trying to   
cover up her hesitant thoughts, and held up the reunion invitation. "I just   
got invited to my twentieth high school year reunion. It's enough to make you   
stop and think about things, you know?" He nodded.   
"Yeah. I got my twenty-fifth reunion invitation last week. I say be   
happy with that one." He said, pointing to her letter. She paused and nodded   
slowly. "You don't want to go?" He asked.   
"I don't know." She said softly. There was a brief pause before she   
looked at him again. "What can I do for you?" Even as he spoke, she thought   
back to those times with Janie, when they talked about what they would be   
some day. Who they would marry, how much money they would make... However,   
CJ had always figured that Janie would be part of the entire equation. Janie   
never mentioned anyone in her plans for the future; only a drive to be free,   
a dream that CJ thought was strange, for who in the United States wasn't free?   
She still had so much to learn, and Janie knew it. 

  


I like the bed I'm sleeping in   
It's just like me, it's broken in   
It's not old -- just older   
Like a favorite pair of torn blue jeans   
This skin I'm in it's alright with me   
It's not old -- just older 

  


"CJ?" Toby said, interrupting her train of thought. She looked at him   
and then smiled apologetically.   
"Sorry, I just..." She trailed off.   
"You're thinking about the reunion?" Toby asked. She smiled and   
nodded. He knew her so well.   
"Yeah. Well, not really. There's somebody that's going to be there . .   
. I just don't know if I want to face the past again." CJ admitted. Toby   
closed the door and sat down on CJ's couch.   
"Isn't that what it's for?" He asked, watching her with his soulful   
brown eyes. "The past is what we must face in order to move into the future."   
"That's good. Who wrote that?" CJ asked. Toby chuckled and shook his   
head.   
"No one. I just said it." He retorted. CJ feigned shock.   
"I never knew you were so clever." She mocked him. He rolled his eyes.   
"Yes, because after all, I write newspaper ads for a living." He said.   
She chuckled and then looked back at Janie's letter. It was typed, and the   
style of the lettering and the way the ink didn't reflect any light told her   
that it was a genuine typewriter that the paper had come out of. "Old   
boyfriend?" Toby ventured after another long pause.   
"No." CJ said. "No, it's a woman."   
"Psycho?" Toby inquired. CJ paused, actually considering the   
possibility, which unnerved Toby a little.   
"I don't know how to classify her." She said finally. "I suppose   
psychic might work." She said. Toby raised an eyebrow. CJ chuckled and shook   
her head. She got up, walked over to the couch and sat down next to him. She   
handed him Janie's letter and shrugged. "It's a long story." 

  


It's good to see your face   
You ain't no worse for wear   
Breathing that California air 

  


March 11, 1980 

"I hate you, you know that?" CJ whined as she rested her forehead into   
the crease of her math book. Janie shrugged and took another sip of her   
drink. They were sitting at a small table in the Palisades park. It was at   
the top of a long row of dusty cliffs, overlooking the ocean and the Pacific   
Coast Highway.   
"You've told me many times." Janie said.   
"We have a test in this . . this foriegn language tomorrow and you're   
as calm as a rock. Are you high or something?" CJ asked. Janie shook her head   
and leaned forward across the picnic table. The sun shone down on the two   
teenagers, and the way the light was hitting them, Janie's sandy brown hair   
seemed to glow.   
"I'm not high, CJ. I just know that whether or not you fail tomorrow's   
math test is going to have no impact on your future. You're not going to be a   
mathematician. I told you before. You're gonna find a job where you get to be   
the face of the future. I can see it." Janie explained, getting excited.   
"People trust you, CJ, and the way you work with words and the way you work   
with people, you're going to find a job where you get to do both. Calculus   
won't matter in ten years."   
"You're always talking about the future, Janie. I'm trying to   
concentrate on right now. It's not ten years from now. It's 1980 and I'm   
trying to survive my senior year." CJ insisted.   
"Why worry about your senior year if you're not going to think about   
the future? Why worry about Calculus if you're not going to use it in ten   
years?" Janie retorted before reaching for her cigarettes and lighter.   
"Don't smoke around me." CJ forewarned. "And in ten years, some guy is   
gonna walk up to me and make me prove that I didn't crash into his car. I   
learn calculus so that when that happens, I can get out an easel and draw a   
big graph with lines representing my car and his car and the distance   
traveled and all that stuff and no jury could convict me." Janie chuckled and   
tossed the cigarette box into the trash before playing with the lighter.   
"Trust me, CJ. That's about as likely as having the 82nd Airborne drop   
missiles on the guy's car instead." She said. CJ pondered this.   
"It's possible." She said. Janie chuckled and nodded. CJ paused and   
then leaned forward. "What about you? What are you going to be doing in ten   
years? We're graduating in three months and you haven't even told me which   
college you're going to." Janie paused and then looked out at the ocean.   
"Maybe I'll be flying that 82nd Airborne plane." She said softly, a   
distant look in her eyes. "Maybe I'll be pushing the button." 

  


When we took on the world   
When we were young and brave   
We got secrets that we'll take to the grave   
And we're standing here shoulder to shoulder 

  


Present Time 

"She sounds like a mystery." Toby said softly. CJ chuckled   
softly and nodded slowly as she traced her finger across the edge of   
her skirt.   
"She was an enigma. I never did completely figure her out. It   
was like she had so many secrets; she couldn't spare any for anyone."   
She said. "I remember she used to tell me that she knew what the   
exact date of her death would be. She said she just knew it."   
"When is it?" Toby inquired. CJ smirked and thought hard.  
"June 18th, 2027." She said. "She always said she'd die on June   
18th, 2027. She also said that I'd live decades farther than that,   
and that after I made a name for myself in the world, I'd settle   
down, get married and have lots of children. It's getting to be too   
late for that."  
"It's never too late." Toby murmured. "Unless you've..." He   
trailed off, not wanting to push too far into her personal biology.  
"Not yet." CJ retorted dryly. "But I'm pushing forty, Toby.   
When I hit that mid-life crap, it's going to happen, and there isn't   
even a candidate for children."   
"What about Danny?" Toby asked. CJ looked at him in   
shock. "Don't look at me like that. I know you have feelings for him   
and that the feelings are returned. Just because *I* don't like it,   
doesn't mean it can't happen." He added dryly. CJ paused and then   
nodded slowly.  
"I don't think I want to be in a solid relationship right now.   
If Danny truly cares, he'll wait a few years." She said. Toby smirked   
and nodded.  
"You could always adopt." He said after another pause. "There's   
a wonderful organization called Half The Sky that takes care of baby   
girls in China and finds homes for them in the U.S. You know about   
all that stuff?"   
"You mean how the baby girls are left out of society, left to   
die and no one takes care of them? Yeah, that would be a nice thing   
to do." CJ admitted. She wasn't thinking about children though. She   
wasn't thinking about Danny or having a family or baby girls in   
China. She was thinking about the life she had led since the day she   
last saw Janie. She was thinking about the day she last saw Janie.   
She was thinking about the idea of seeing Janie again. 

To be continued... 

 

  


	2. Not Old, Just Older 2

 

For all important information and my random rant, please see part 1. 

************************************ 

I like the bed I'm sleeping in   
It's just like me, it's broken in   
It's not old -- just older   
Like a favorite pair of torn blue jeans   
This skin I'm in it's alright with me   
It's not old -- just older 

  


CJ had worked hard to get where she was. She had passed that Calculus   
test with a 93% and she had graduated in the top five percent of her class.   
She had gone on to UCLA where she graduated with a master's degree in   
communication. She worked her way up the ranks, working as a public relations   
specialist for politicians, charities and eventually, she ended up in the   
entertainment business. It was through the politics that she'd met Toby. It   
was when she had just been fired from her miserable job as an entertainment   
PR specialist that he had come to bring her back to the field she *truly*   
cared about.   
Thinking back over her life, she never missed Janie. She did in   
college, back when she was still getting used to the idea of not having the   
dark one around. Janie had taken off the day after graduation. She never said   
goodbye and CJ had not heard from her since. That was Janie's way though. The   
way to disappear. Since then, CJ had found other friends. She had forgotten   
about Janie and the amibiguity that was their friendship. Now she was faced   
with the idea of seeing Janie again, and the only thing she could think of   
was dread.   
"What are you thinking?" Toby asked softly. CJ paused and then sighed.   
"It's next weekend. I can't take the time off from work." She said.   
"You can. The thing is that you won't." Toby said before pointing to   
the letter. "You want to avoid this person, so you won't take the time.   
Besides, if it's on a Saturday, you can leave Friday night and come back   
Sunday night. You can go visit your family while you're down there."   
"Are you telling me to go, Toby?" CJ asked directly, looking at him   
harshly. He smiled in that wry way that only Toby could smile, the smile that   
said 'this is as much as you're going to get' and he shrugged.   
"I'm not telling you to *do* anything. I am, however, reminding you   
that there's no way to escape the past until you face it; until you say   
goodbye." He said softly before handing her a few papers stapled together.   
"That's the speech for Friday night." He said softly. 

  


I'm not old enough to sing the blues   
But I wore the holes in the soles of these shoes   
You can roll the dice 'til they call your bluff   
But you can't win until you're not afraid to lose 

  


June 23, 1980 

"You look good." Janie said, glancing at CJ before looking back at the   
soccer field. There were many people standing around, congratulating their   
friends or their children's friends while they drank their soft drinks. CJ   
knew which ones had spiked their own drinks and which ones were high at the   
moment. Janie did not fall into either of those categories for once.   
"I'm wearing the exact same thing you are." CJ retorted as she leaned   
against the tree. They were both dressed in their cap and gown.   
"Where you going from here?" Janie asked, ignoring CJ's comment.   
"Back to my dad's, I suppose." CJ replied. Janie shook her head.   
"I mean, here. High school. You're going to UCLA, right?" She asked,   
looking at her tall friend. CJ stood a good three or four inches over Janie's   
head, but Janie's feet were a good two sizes larger, just in contrast.   
"Yeah." CJ agreed, eyeing her friend carefully. There was a sort of   
somberness to Janie's eyes, an eagerness that seemed almost dark.   
"What are you doing over the summer?" Janie asked, glancing back at the   
crowd, tracing her toe along the dirt.   
"Interning with the Douglas Public Relations firm. You know that orange   
building near Wilshire and fourth?" CJ asked.   
"Yeah, I know it." Janie nodded. CJ paused.   
"What are you doing this summer? You want to come and see if they have   
another opening?" She asked. Janie smirked sardonically and shook her head   
before looking back at CJ.   
"I'm gonna hit the road for a while. See the sights. Go all over the US   
and maybe even Canada. I have to get away from here for a while. Away from   
the crowds and the expectations." She said.   
"Did the judge say you could go?" CJ asked. Janie snorted.   
"I'm a month away from being eighteen. Foster Fuckhead doesn't care   
where I go, as long as I don't cost him any money." She said darkly before   
digging out a box of cigarettes and withdrawing one. CJ didn't say anything   
as she watched her friend place the slim white stem into her mouth and then   
light it with her silver Harley Davidson lighter.   
"You're coming back though, right? You said you got accepted to USC."   
CJ said softly. Janie took a drag and then paused.   
"Probably." She conceded. That was all she was going to say. "But I'm   
not going to be one of those people who gives up before they even start. No,   
CJ, I won't do that." She said before exhaling a thin cloud of smoke. "Even   
when I turn eighteen, I won't be an adult. When any of us turn eighteen,   
that's not when we become adults. It's something else. It's something inside   
us. It's different for everyone. I won't give up before I start."   
"What are you talking about, Janie?" CJ said softly.   
"I won't be the person who comes to a twenty year high school reunion   
and says 'if only' or 'what if', CJ." Janie said, looking at her friend. "I'm   
not going to give up who I am, just so that society can be happy with me."   
"Janie, what are you saying?" CJ asked.   
"I'm not coming back, CJ." 

  


Well, I look in the mirror   
I don't hate what I see   
There's a few more lines staring back at me 

  


Present Time 

CJ looked at the speech and then at Toby. "She never came back, Toby.   
She lied to me at first, saying she would, and then she said she wouldn't. I   
haven't seen her since the day we graduated." She said softly. "How could she   
honestly expect me to keep this promise when she just...she just left."   
"Do you truly not want to see her?" Toby asked directly, gazing into   
his friend's eyes. "Think about it, CJ. No avoiding an answer. What do you   
want to do?" He said softly. "Just stop and think about it." CJ paused,   
thinking about his question and thinking about the time that she had spent   
with Janie. Part of her was still angry that Janie had left. They were   
supposed to have been best friends. CJ wanted to share the happier moments of   
her life with Janie, but Janie couldn't do those things, could she? She   
couldn't make those decisions.   
"I only wish I knew what she was up to. I could go, just to see what   
she's up to, to see if it was worth it for her." CJ said softly.   
"If what was worth it?" Toby asked softly. CJ paused.   
"Leaving me." She responded. "I was walking into a new world, not   
entirely sure of myself, and even though I disapproved of Janie and a lot of   
the things she did, I needed her as I needed a best friend. I needed someone   
who could hold my hand and be a shoulder to cry on through those hardest   
years. Because she left I had to start all over again."   
"You did fine without her, CJ. You're a strong, beautiful, intelligent   
woman. You didn't need her." Toby said softly. CJ nodded.   
"No. I didn't need her. She was the one who had predicted my future for   
me. She knew it all, Toby. But I was angry. I was angry because she had all   
she could ever want and she threw it away." She said softly. "Everyday, I   
stand at the press podium or in a room with you guys, and I wonder how many   
people she could have helped with her knowledge, how much good she could have   
done the world, how many people who would have died for the opportunities she   
got... It makes me angry, Toby. I don't need her. But there are some   
people who do."   
"That's not your job." Toby said softly. "You can't--"   
"I won't." CJ said. "I just won't go. That's all." There was another   
pause in the room.   
"I have to go work on the speech." Toby said softly before getting to   
his feet. "Think about it some more." He added before leaving the room. CJ   
watched the door close behind him and then looked at Janie's letter which was   
sitting on the couch in the exact spot where Toby'd been sitting. She sighed,   
picked up the paper and went back to her desk. She shoved it back into the   
envelope and then shoved it into a drawer.   
She wasn't going to go. 

  


The nights have grown a little colder   
Hey man, I gotta run   
Now you take care   
If you see coach T. Tell him I cut my hair 

  


CJ had worked hard those twenty years. She had worked hard at UCLA and   
then even harder as she branched out into the field she'd always felt   
destined to be in. Janie wasn't on her mind a great deal. The first year   
maybe, but only because CJ was not used to the people around her and she   
missed having a friend. After that though, she found new friends and she had   
moved on.   
She was successful and proud of it. She had worked hard, succeeded in   
life, found a career she loved where she was surrounded by people she   
enjoyed. She was finally starting to get a leash on the boys' club around   
here and she was getting the respect she felt she deserved. Well, something   
close to it anyway. It was starting to feel like she'd never get all the way   
there. Maybe by the time Bartlet left office. In six years.   
It had been a long month. A long year, a long lifetime. CJ looked   
around her office at the various things that she had collected over the   
years. Sure, there were many, many papers and books, but there were also   
pictures and various memorbelia. She had plenty of official White House pens   
and mugs, but there was one thing that caught her eye. There was a photograph   
on the edge of her desk. It was a picture of the staff standing in a circle   
with their glasses raised and smiles on their faces. Those people were her   
friends. They were her family. Together they had become the team that   
governed America. They depended on each other. They succeeded together.   
Next to the photograph was another one, a smaller one, of three young   
girls playing together in the warm California sun. One was CJ herself.   
Another was her oldest friend and neighbor, a girl named Allison and the   
third was Janie, a step away from the others, gazing at the sea. They were   
all roughly ten years old that day, Janie a year younger and Allie a year   
older. Allie had moved away two years later and Janie had stayed. Not for   
long though.   
But CJ wasn't dependent on Janie. She never was. She wasn't even   
dependent on the people that shared the large white office building with her.   
She was dependent upon herself. Still, she needed their friendship, and when   
she needed Janie, Janie was there. Janie left when CJ didn't need her any   
more, and it only took twenty years to figure that out.   
Still. She wasn't going. 

  


It's been all these years   
Can you believe I'm still chasing dreams   
But I ain't looking over my shoulder 

  


The Following Friday 

CJ glanced around the crowded room of people all her age. She had been   
recognized by almost every single person she'd talked to. There was only one   
who had been out of the country since 1994 and had only just come home from   
Egypt to receive the reunion invitation on the top of his large stack of   
mail. The rest of the people had recognized her from the past when they knew   
her or from the television where they saw her every once and a while. They   
congratulated her on how far she'd come, on finding a job that was so   
effective and influential; some commented that they were not in the least   
surprised that she was a success. All talked about their lives more than they   
said two words about her.   
She was surrounded by the proud parents of Jake or Sandy or whatever   
they just had to name their children. She was surrounded by happily married,   
successful people. There were a few dozen misfits among the crowd, but all in   
all, most of the graduates were happy. There were no crazy people who stood   
out, no smokers in the middle of the room, no brunette wearing a leather   
jacket and a motorcycle helmet. Nothing out of the ordinary. It was a room   
filled with people who were approaching forty with smiles on their faces.   
CJ walked up to the punch counter and smiled. She wondered if the man   
at the punch bowl would recognize her, seeing as how he was her first date in   
high school. He merely smiled back and then walked back to his wife. She   
suddenly realized how lonely she was. 'Why the hell did I come here?' she   
thought to herself. She checked her name tag and then walked over to the   
table where she was supposed to sit. Apparently everyone had their place. She   
did not want to pick at the buffet; for some reason, she was not hungry. Her   
mind was racing through images of her life, everything that had happened to   
her in the last twenty years. It couldn't have been that long, it went by so   
fast. Her thoughts were knocked ajar when someone sat next to her.   
"This seat taken?" A voice asked. CJ shook her head, not looking at the   
person, not thinking about it. "Jeanie, your head in the stars again?" The   
voice asked again, this time striking a familiar chord. CJ turned and looked   
into a set of sharp ice blue-green eyes.   
"You're late again. As usual." Was all CJ could manage to say. Janie   
laughed and shrugged. 

  


I like the bed I'm sleeping in   
It's just like me, it's broken in   
It's not old -- just older   
Like a favorite pair of torn blue jeans   
This skin I'm in it's alright with me   
It' s not old -- just older 

  


The two women walked along the sidewalk, inhaling slowly the crisp sea   
air. Just a hundred feet away from them, waves crashed up against the night   
shore. They were both walking barefoot in the sand. Janie was not smoking;   
she had confessed to quitting not long after they had last parted. She was   
wearing dressy khakis and a light blue button up women's dress shirt. No   
leather jacket, no combat boots, no crazy stylings that used to be Janie.   
She had grown up. She was someone new. She was someone CJ could honestly see   
herself being friends with. There was still the same smirk.   
"Twenty years, Janie. I told you we'd be ancient." CJ said softly as   
she gazed up at the night sky. She only wished she could see the stars. The   
light pollution from Los Angeles blocked them out.   
"Look at us, CJ. We're not ancient. We're just older than we were,   
which is not necessarily a bad thing." Janie replied as she shuffled the sand   
between her toes. CJ smiled and thought of Toby's shuffling.   
"You always had insight beyond your years, you know that?" She said,   
all her inhibitions about seeing Janie again washed away with the waves.   
"God, please don't say that. Then I *will* feel ancient." Janie   
retorted with her trademark smirk. The smirk made CJ think of Josh.   
"I think we'll never be as old as we feel." CJ said with a smile before   
looking out across the ocean. The moon was high above, full and bright,   
reflected in shimmers on the ocean waters.   
"I knew you were going to be the public voice." Janie said, changing   
the subject with a giddy smile. "When I heard you were working with Bartlet   
on the campaign, I was ecstatic, you know?" She said softly.   
"How'd you hear?" CJ asked, a bit curious. She still had no insight   
into what her friend was up to these days.   
"On the wire." Janie replied simply. "I'm a traveling journalist, a   
writer of sorts. I go where the story is and I write about it. I've been all   
over the world. The only place I haven't been able to get into is the White   
House. Those lines are killer. You have to get up at 5:30 in the morning to   
get tickets." She said with a playful grin. CJ laughed and nodded.   
"I have to get up earlier than to get into the White House." She joked   
back. Janie laughed and nodded. "If you're ever in DC though, you can come on   
by. I'll vouch for you." She added with a smirk.   
"I'm going to take you up on that." Janie retorted with a sly grin.   
Then she looked out upon the ocean with a distant thoughtful gaze. "Always   
knew you'd do well, CJ. I don't know if it means anything to you, but I   
always looked up to you. I always knew you were gonna do great things in this   
world, and you have. You've done it." She said softly, not looking at CJ. CJ   
watched her old friend for a second and then looked out across the beach.   
"I always thought it was the other way around." She admitted after   
another pause. Janie chuckled and shook her head.   
"You were destined for greatness, CJ, and you still are. There's so   
much that lies ahead of you." She said.   
"Why does it have to lie ahead of me? What have I got that you don't?"   
CJ asked, a little sharper than she intended. Janie paused.   
"You have a family, CJ. You had one growing up, you have one now. You   
have people to depend on and who depend on you." She said with a weak smile.   
"You have people to grow old with. You've got something special." She said   
softly, a slight twinkle in her eye. That twinkle was Janie's. It always   
would be. There was only one other person who had a twinkle like that and   
that was President Josiah Bartlet. It was a twinkle that told of knowledge   
and experience, of compassion and forethought. It was the twinkle that told   
you everything would be all right. CJ missed it before, but she had it all   
along. With a pause, CJ smiled.   
"I guess you're right." She said. "But hope is not lost for you. It's   
never lost for any of us. We still have a thirtieth and fortieth reunion   
coming up. We have years of life ahead of us. We're still growing up, we're   
still exploring. We all have hope. Even you." She added playfully. Janie   
smiled and nodded.   
"That's right, CJ." She said. "That's right."   
"You okay, Janie?" CJ asked softly.   
"I'm damn fine." Janie retorted. "You?" CJ laughed.   
"I'm doing pretty well. I'm doing all right now." She said.   
"Now?" Janie asked. CJ paused.   
"Now that I know where I stand."   
"Where's that?"   
"Not old. Just older." 

The End 


End file.
